From the Desk of Joseph P. Larkin, CEO:

The Also-Ran Comedy Hour: January 20, 2012 Edition

It was a dark and stormy night...local stand-up comedian JOSEPH PATRICK LARKIN lay dead in a pool of his own blood, urine and intestines, gutted like a man-sized fish. Who killed this wretched twat, arguably the most hated comic in all of Los Angeles? Was it LIZZY COOPERMAN? Her keyboard WAS covered with blood...or maybe it was JASON HELFGOTT! His disdain for LARKIN was legendary...or perhaps it was ANDREW SOLMSSON!…
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