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al•so-ran
Pronunciation: (ôl'sO-ran")
—n.
1. Sports.
a. (in a race) a contestant who fails to win or to place among the first three finishers.
b. an athlete or team whose performance in competition is rarely, if ever, a winning or near-winning one.
2. Informal. a person who loses a contest, election or other competition.
3. Informal. a person who attains little or no success: For every great artist there are a thousand also-rans.
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| Our goal at Also-Ran is to provide you, the fickle consumer, with the flashiest of momentary diversions. We will do our very best to keep you knee-deep in quality whilst crushing our most hated enemies in the process.
Very sincerely, we remain,
Your friends at Also-Ran |
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Joseph “Sex Freak on a Winning Streak” Larkin
Good news, ladies! Joseph is currently single and ready to mingle! Our man trains fighting robots in his spare time and does not play the accordion; in fact, he dreams of an accordion-free world. |
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Contact the Quality Management Department. |
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| Oh, yeah. If you’re looking for the Also-Ran who specialized in shitty dance music, then you’re shit outta luck cos that nefarious little company appears to have gone belly up. I know your family’s grieving—fuck ’em. |
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9/11: we will never forget.
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