When I was suffering through my first break-up nine years ago, my father told me “it would be easier if the other person had died instead of breaking your heart.” Lucky for him, the love of his life did die. And then he died a number of years later. And I’ll die as well. Everybody wins!
Bohren & der Club of Gore Saturday 18 October 2008 Backstage at O’Sullivans by the Mill Paris France http://www.mediafire.com/?joiwnmjmwzy Sony PCM-D50 (internal mics) > WAV > FLAC > Also-Ran.com > you > tu madre 01. Staub 02. Unkerich 03. Orgelblut 04. The Art of Coffins 05. Destroying Angels 06. Still Am Tresen 07. Schwarze Biene (Black Maja) 08. Welten 09.…
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Bonjour! J’mappelle Joseph! That’s pretty much all the French I know. You’d think I would’ve bothered to learn some key phrases before moving here, like “show me the toilet” and “she was dead when I got here.” You’d have thought that, but you would’ve thought wrong. We were hanging out in my apartment (chilling, if you will). She was sitting…
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You know what the funniest thing about Europe is? It’s the little differences. A lotta the same shit we got there, they got here, but here they’re a little different. Example? Alright, when you go into a movie theater in Amsterdam, you can buy beer. And I don’t mean in a paper cup either. They give you a glass of…
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Contrary to popular belief, French people are not rude…they’re thoughtless, inconsiderate and selfish. They’re cunts, basically—these people only think of themselves. For instance, if you’re trying to get on a train, these pushy fucks will knock you down to get on the train before you…or they’ll just shove you into the person in front of you to keep things moving…
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I’ve been dreaming about my father’s death for days now. The most comforting reverie was the one in which he and I sat in a balcony and watched his funeral together. He pointed at his much-too-tiny coffin and it occurred to me that his gesture suggested he was ready to climb into death and be done with the whole thing.…
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I live within walking distance of Père Lachaise Cemetery (French: Cimetière du Père-Lachaise), which is a popular tourist destination (you might say people are dying to get in there!!! LOLZ!!!*), so I occasionally wander amongst the graves when I don’t have anything else on my agenda (in my defense, that place is really shady, like my ex-girlfriend). Do you think…
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Currently sitting in an idling train in a railway station somewhere in Germany. I am pretty sure I just saw another passenger jerking off (sadly, it was a dude); not that I should judge him, as I jerked off myself (or, rather, I jerked myself off) mere hours ago right here in this car. (Granted, I was much more subtle…
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Saw a really cute gal three times today at the grocery store near my hotel here in Berlin. I caught her peering at me while I was looking at soft drinks; she turned away shyly when I caught her gaze. Much later, she made it a point to wait by the door and say goodbye to me (in German, of…
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You are a coward living a coward’s life. And you will die a coward’s death. You squander your youth at a shitty nine-to-five pouring coffee, punching numbers into a cash register, uploading gay pornography onto the Internet or tending bar. You go to school and get a degree in philosophy or studio art or creative writing or something equally useless…
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Sometimes I’ll see someone drinking wine at ten in the morning and I’ll think, “Isn’t it a little early for that sort of thing?” Then I’ll remember that I live in France. Something similar happens whenever I observe someone eating a loaf of bread whilst walking down the street, which happens often, I assure you. I’ve created a game to…
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The clerk handed my credit card back to me at the supermarché and I thanked her in broken French. She replied, “You’re welcome.” Befuddled, I blathered, “Oh, you can tell I’m American…it’s that obvious…” (To be fair, I was buying a bottle of Coca-Cola…) The clerk had inadvertently embarrassed me. I’m ashamed of being an American, for obvious reasons. It’s…
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Wanna know how sad my life is? It’s after three in the morning and I’m actually sitting here correcting typos and fixing various creative blunders on my fucking blog (you know, this fucking blog)! (I can’t believe I said “perpetrated” when I meant “propagated”! I’m a fucking monster.) Best of all, I am doing this in gay Paree*—shouldn’t I be…
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At the airport. Again. (Confounded weather!) There’s nothing like flight travel to make you feel like a million bucks! Let’s face it, most Americans are grossly overweight and hideously ugly to boot, thus rubbing elbows with so many of these beasts in one place is good for an ego boost. Egads, there isn’t a single person in this airport that…
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I will be a Parisian in a matter of days. I’m restless, itchin’ to get moving, ready to roll—I’m cursed with ennui, as the French would say. I pray to God the frogs are more civilized than the Americans I’m accustomed to doing business with (I also hope their women are beautiful, loose and relatively STD-free). I can’t wait to…
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I feel kinda crummy today. Not sure why, but it may have something to do with the fact that I’ve been plagued by unsettling dreams lately. I don’t really remember ‘em when I wake up (thank the goddess), but they trouble me just the same. Also, reading Peanuts isn’t helping my mood today. Early Peanuts strips are so fucking depressing,…
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Got the three latest Peanuts collections in the mail today. It seems like a new one always comes out directly following one of my nasty little break-ups; if that’s not proof of a divine being, I don’t know what is! It’s amazing that the strip is so popular considering how relentlessly bleak Charles M. Schulz’s worldview was. Charlie Brown never…
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